$100 a week goal met!

Of panic attacks, and self care

I had a panic attack today, for the first time in a month. I didn't get much sleep, and yelling/fighting around me is a big trigger, especially when I am too tired to put up mental defenses. I had planned a nap, and then goal-directed activities for after work, but I was too frazzled to do any of that. I ended up playing a game, as and listening to podcasts, and I now my brain is deciding that I'm a lazy piece of shit. Fuck you, brain. Here is a reminder of what I accomplished today, before I left work:

-I spent 5ish hours doing prep work to make pendants/magnets like this:

I cut out and glued about 100 pictures to the flat marbles. They are ready to be made into awesome things for my next craft show. 

Speaking of craft things, I also made about 50 wish bracelets. 

These may look simple, but they are surprisingly time consuming. 

I optained 2 new qualifications on UHRS Clickworker. I'll be able to do these pretty fast, and make a decent wage if I do them for an hour straight. I made about $35 in a little under 4 hours, which rounds out to minimum wage. Not too shabby for an Internet job. It's mostly search engine evaluation. The goal is to pay off my $1300 PayPal credit account by the end of July with that. On my way, but I need to step it up. 

So no, brain. I was not a slug today. I accomplished things. Self care is necessary some times. 

Current feelings

Angry, and fed up. Really fucking tired of people hiding important information from me. Angry that all my stuff is spread across 3 different houses, and I can't find fucking anything. Angry that I can't consolidate my stuff into my current living space because someone else's oppressive amount of shit is taking up all the space, and giving me nightmares of shit avalanches. Angry at myself for making poor decisions that are detrimental to my mental health. Angry that I didn't make my low benchmark goals. Angry that even though I'm being kept in the dark, there seems to be some major shut going down. And I have to deal with it alone. So done today. 

Weekly Goals

-walk 10 miles

- drink 180 oz of water

- make extra $100

- 50 squats

- 100 sit ups

- 1 blog update

- apply to 7 jobs

-do 1 fun thing without feeling guilty

I set a bunch of low key goals for myself this week so I don't get discouraged. I'm making pretty good progress on them so far. I've gone to the gym 2 days in row, and I only have 3.5 miles to go. I completed the job hunting and water goals (and I suppose this takes care of the blog post. ) I have to keep building momentum.